I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
