Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
