I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
