Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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