She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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