Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
