You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
