um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
