you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize