I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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