I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We left the knife in your bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
