I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
