i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
