kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
