I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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