it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
