He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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