Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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