Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
