I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
