i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
