Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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