if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
