I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
did i walk over a car last night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
third nipple confirmed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
