So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Green mimosas i think yes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
