who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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