Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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