You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
