so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize