i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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