Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
