Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
