3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
