She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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