Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
