I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Less talking, more tequila
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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