dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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