Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
