He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
