My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
