watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
and you fell through a lawn chair
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