onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
