Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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