Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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