You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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