the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
