winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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