I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
