I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
