dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i walk over a car last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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