Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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