ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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