I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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