You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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