i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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