And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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