Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
