somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
