There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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