we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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