I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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