Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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